I Unexpectedly Lived Alone Freshman Year. Here’s the Surprising Lesson It Taught Me

Prior to the start of my freshman year at the University of Vermont, I did what many other incoming freshman girls do: uploaded a post on Facebook to find a roommate. 

After chatting with one girl for a while — and realizing we both enjoy a neat space, adore our dogs, and love Taylor Swift — we decided to become roommates. We shared our increasing excitement for college as move-in grew closer and, finally, when we met on move-in day and unloaded all of our stuff into our dorm room. 

However, as soon as her parents left, my new roommate realized just how homesick she was. She decided to skip the first day of orientation and stay in our room. The very next day, she packed her things and moved back home. 

Although the choice was best for her and what she needed at the time, I was left without a roommate before school had even started. As I looked at the empty bed on the other side of the room, it hit me how lonely I felt in college.  

I’m not going to sugarcoat it: I found not having a roommate for the first month of freshman year to be extremely stressful and lonely. People kept telling me how lucky I was to be alone in a double, but I couldn’t see their point of view. 

It seemed like everyone on my floor had become best friends with their roommate, kept meeting more people through their roommate, and got invited to more activities because roommates come as a “package deal.” At night I would fall asleep staring at the empty blue mattress on the other side of the room while listening to my neighbors, who were roommates and best friends, laugh with each other through the wall. 

I felt like I was falling behind in my social life even though I had just arrived at school. 

But I refused to let my loneliness define my college experience. I decided that, if I wanted to make friends, I had to work harder to put myself out there. 

Since I didn’t have a roommate to rely on for friendship, I told myself I had no choice but to break out of my shell and reach out to people on my own. I texted some girls from my floor to hang out, and we became quick friends. And I texted one of my friends from high school, who also goes to UVM, to ask if I could meet her friends. When we all got together, I knew right away they were going to be my best friends. 

Instead of eating microwavable mac and cheese in my room, I would go to the dining hall — sometimes with friends, but also alone. Shockingly to me, no one even looked at me twice when I ate by myself. 

And then something changed: As classes became harder and people became busier, my friends figured out they too might have to eat solo sometimes, since everyone has different classes and is on different schedules. I remember them telling me about their fears of having to be more independent, and I realized that because I had been living alone, I had learned to be self-sufficient quicker than many other people. 

On top of that, as school went on, many of my floormates discovered that they might not be as similar to their roommate as they had originally thought. So they also had to learn to do things on their own, especially those who had at first relied on their roommate a lot to make friends. 

Looking around after the first couple weeks of school, I finally got it: Even though I was literally living by myself in my room, which was different than most of the other people I knew at school, not everyone is best friends with their roommate, and there are so many people out there who also have to try harder to make friends in college.

Eventually, I did find someone to live with. One of my friend’s friends knew a girl from her high school who was living in a cramped, forced triple and mentioned how she was unhappy with her current living situation. After connecting with her, she agreed to move in — and we became best friends. Obviously, that was a big bonus!

But looking back, I can see that my initial struggles freshman year helped me to make the friends I have today, and to put myself out there more in general. 

My biggest advice to anyone at the beginning of their freshman year is don’t be afraid to do things alone. I know it’s a lot easier said than done, but trust me, no one cares or even notices, to be honest. 

Second, I would encourage you to make friends that aren’t only your roommate. I know people who have had a falling out with their roommate and feel like they have no other friends. Of course you can and should be friends with your roommate if you want to be, but understand that it’s okay if you aren’t, and either way, you can definitely still make friends all across campus — and your college experience will be better for it!