The 3 Best Tips for Avoiding Roommate Drama, According to a Senior

As Taylor Swift says, “I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending” — and by that I mean, I’ve lived with enough housemates to know that when college kids cohabitate, drama will inevitably follow.

My sophomore year of college, I lived in an off-campus house with seven other girls. Although the time we spent there was unforgettably fun, it didn’t come without its problems. I dealt with housemates who at times were unwilling to compromise on issues that affected us all. I felt overwhelmed by the responsibilities that came with sharing spaces and communicating effectively to keep our space clean and functional.

Now I’m a senior and I know what it means to cohabitate successfully. I live in a house with girls I trust to be able to chat about any rising issues and make day-to-day life fun and easy. 

From my years spent living with roommates, I’ve compiled the three things I do to make the time together as pleasant (and fun!) as possible. Are you feeling weary of living with other people? Here’s what I’ve learned about how to steer clear of housemate conflicts. 

Last year, I found myself out of olive oil even though I had only used my bottle a couple of times. I realized my flatmate had been using mine without asking, which opened up a conversation after the fact. It ended up fine in the end — he replaced the oil, and all was well. But the point is, in my experience, many housemate arguments come from a lack of understanding that could have been avoided if everyone (including me!) set expectations at the beginning of the term. 

So  *right now*, before things could go awry, I recommend having an open dialogue with your housemates, maybe in a group chat, to discuss what you want to share with each other and what you want to keep to yourself. For example, if you’re not comfortable sharing your cookware, communicate that. If you feel that certain items should be communal, like herbs, salt and pepper, soy sauce, etc., talk to your housemates to figure out what you can all buy and split the costs for. 

I also suggest making a shared Pinterest board to brainstorm how you want to decorate your shared living spaces. This will give you an idea of everyone’s personal tastes and help everyone be on the same page. 

Throughout your lease, there may be times when your housemates do something that you find upsetting. For example, maybe your roommate will ask to borrow a top and return it with a stain. My take: It’s okay to politely say no the next time they ask to borrow something, but it’s not okay to chastise your roommate for making a mistake. 

In the midst of college life and all the emotions that come with it, it’s easy for little things to be blown out of proportion. I’ve learned that it’s totally fine if I feel irritated about something a roommate does — I can’t help how I feel — but I can control how I react to situations. I’ve never regretted biting my tongue when I wanted to send a long-winded text message or make a snarky comment. It’s important to create a nonhostile living environment, and that means letting go of resentment and sometimes just being the bigger person, even when I don’t feel like it.  

Of course, I think it’s always okay to talk through feelings and communicate when you’re unhappy about something — I just try to do some deep breaths and let go of the sarcasm first.

The last house I lived in, I bought a joke pillow from Target to put in the living room. It was pink and fuzzy and had a cat with glasses on it. I thought it was cute and silly, but my roommate passive aggressively would flip it over or hide it every time I came home. It hurt my feelings! The living room was a shared space, meant to be an accumulation of all of our stuff. 

While some may say that I could have just moved the pillow to my room, I think this scenario speaks to a bigger picture about living with housemates. When you agree to live with other people, you agree to make compromises. And in my situation, I had elected to live in the smallest room in the house (she slept in the biggest bedroom, comfortably fitting her mini-fridge), which I felt granted me the power to choose one pillow that brought me joy for the living room. 

I regret not telling her how this made me feel and sticking up for myself — it may have set a different tone for the year about how I would respond to being bossed around.

When you’re picking out items for your shared spaces, I think it’s important to make sure everyone feels included in the process. Maybe you have non-negotiables, like you really dislike LED lights because they make you feel dizzy, but you can cope with your housemate’s coffee table trinket that you don’t care for. 

Compromising in shared spaces is so important — and I’m considering it a good thing to practice when I’m young. Flexibility is a serious adulting skill!