I Started the “Favorite Things” Gift Tradition, and It’s So Much Better Than Secret Santa

There’s something about gift exchanges that can feel stressful and tiresome. Over half of the gifts are gag gifts, and the great, thoughtful ones are stolen three times before you have a chance to blink. With gift exchanges, like a white-elephant exchange or secret Santa, there’s pressure in nailing down the perfectly tailored gift, so more of your energy gets spent on strategizing rather than celebrating. 

So when my friends and I first tried throwing a “favorite things” party instead, we discovered something that not only felt fresh, but also surprisingly heartfelt. What started out as a onetime experiment became a joyful tradition. After our first party, we were hooked. Now, we have one for nearly every occasion. 

Throwing a ”favorite things” party is simple. First, you set an agreed-upon budget. Each guest brings three of the same item, leaving them all unwrapped. The only rule? It has to be a favorite thing of yours — something that brings you joy or comfort, makes your home cozier, has become an essential part of your routine, or changed your life in some way. From little everyday luxuries and holy-grail beauty products to kitchen gadgets and books, there’s no wrong present, as long as it’s something you love. If you want to bundle a few items together, you can, as long as you stay within budget. 

The unwrapped gifts are laid out on a table for everyone to check out and admire. Before the fun stuff, everyone does a show-and-tell of what they brought, explaining why their chosen item is a favorite. Then everyone draws a number — 1, 2, or 3 — to determine their group. Each person picks one present per round, meaning everyone gets three gifts. During the first round, the groups go in order 1-2-3, the second round is 2-3-1, and the third is 3-1-2. 

For smaller groups, you can skip the numbers and rounds altogether. If it’s just five friends, for example, each person brings five of the same gift, so everyone gets one of everything. By the end, everyone leaves with a little collection of thoughtful, tried-and-true favorites that are not only useful but also meaningful. 

After coming across the idea online, I suggested it to my circle for a holiday party five years ago. Unlike a white-elephant gift exchange, there was no stealing or competition, and the stakes didn’t feel high. No one had to worry whether someone would like their gift, as is the case with secret Santa. We found a special way to share the joy of our most beloved finds while discovering what makes each other light up. 

Since then, we’ve expanded the custom beyond Christmas — Halloween, Friendsgiving, Valentine’s Day, and even spring brunches and summer get-togethers. Aside from presents, everyone is in charge of bringing a snack or dish, which we plan ahead of time, turning each ”favorite things” party into something that is equal parts gift exchange and feast. 

What makes the gift tradition so special is how personal it feels. You end up learning so much about your friends — the candle scent that instantly calms them, a tool that completely changed how they cook, the simple comforts they can’t live without. Each round brings a mix of laughter, discovery, and curiosity. Sometimes the conversation spirals into product recommendations, sometimes it’s just delight in sharing something. Of course, some of the magic comes from turning your friends into converts of certain items. 

There have been several standout gifts that have reached legendary status in our group. After three of us snagged the LAOBEN eye massager, the rest ended up buying it. If you were to take a peek into each of our purses, you’d find Clinique’s Almost Lipstick in Black Honey, which enhances every lip tone, and the Dae Styling Wand, perfect for smoothing flyaways on the go. Both the Nodpod Sleep Mask (which I raved about) and the Laneige Lip Sleeping Mask now sit on everyone’s nightstand. The most gratifying gift I’ve ever given has been Donna Tartt’s The Secret History. After reading, one of my friends texted, “You have completely changed my life and very being with this book.”

A “Favorite Things” gift exchange is the kind of party where there’s nothing but excited “oohs” and “aahs” and “wait, I’ve been wanting to try that!” moments. Everyone always gets home thinking, “How did I ever live without this?” It’s full of surprises every time. More than that, it’s a meaningful way to share and celebrate friendship.

This post originally appeared on Apartment Therapy. See it there: I Started the "Favorite Things" Gift Tradition, and I'll Never Go Back to a Regular White Elephant Party